Matters from the Grey Cells Contemplations of a believer in a realm of unbelief
Browsing all posts in: Poetry Journal

Which Circle?

August 18

Which circle poetry
A life filled with

so many regrets

tied to a plethora of sins…

and more regrets…

When I make a mistake,

like any common criminal,

I do my best to cover it up.

A vicious circle

all of my own making.

All of my own making?

 

Feeling like someone split into pieces –

this drive to please everyone doesn’t….

please everyone.

I’m rarely pleased, because I know the truth.

I know I am not perfect.

I know I have committed a plethora of sins.

I know I am unworthy and undeserving.

 

SO WHAT?

 

So, I make a list of sins…I want to…

write them all down….

my mind races through years of sins in a split second

AND then…

I GET IT.

These thoughts,  this depression, isn’t…

All of my own making.

These thoughts aren’t the thoughts that come from the way,

the truth and the light.

Of course, there is truth in them, but it is bent, twisted,

and meant to cause pain.

 

I reach for the truth. I search through the pages until I find it.

I find what I am looking for. Psalm 102: 8-12

 

     “The Lord is compassionate and gracious,

slow to anger, abounding in love.

    9 He will not always accuse,

nor will he harbor his anger forever;

  10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve

or repay us according to our iniquities.

   11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

so great is his love for those who fear him;

   12 as far as the east is from the west,

so far has he removed our transgressions from us.”

 

There are no truer words than the words of God or His promises to me.

This depression is not of my own making.

But staying in it is of my own making.

 

I choose the circle of life.

I turn from the vicious circle

and choose the circle of life.

Opportunity does not always knock

July 23

Opportunity does not always knock
Fear’s road is grueling.

It does not support motion.

It has only one fork.

 

Which consequences do I take?

If I move toward the fork – what will happen?

 

Remaining motionless on fear’s road is certain

            stress

  narrow-mindedness

                a standoffish, unapproachable

            band of brothers.

 

A static life on fear’s road

            transforms the unacceptable,

          the intolerable,

                the unbearable……..

                   to comfortable.

 

Change is an ordeal.

No energy to put forth the effort when the body is drained.

 

Move toward the fork away from fear – what will happen?

It is a risk

            a gamble.

 

Would anything be better than what is in front of me now?

If I do not move, I will not know.

To find something….anything better

my foot must be forced to take a step.

 

I must be braver than I thought.

 

Others stay behind

                afraid to make an effort.

 

Others watch the long, ruthless process

almost hoping for failure

not wanting to accept success….

            another’s success would only magnify

their own fear to make a move.

 

Much later, in the middle of the fork in the road, an OPPORTUNITY!!

I turn to look at the band of brothers.

Good-bye.

I am walking,

          moving,

changing and being changed.

Fear will have to catch me if it can.

During First Grade Math Lesson

March 25

Fifteen wiggly worms crisscross applesauce sitting on the floor.
Bodies swaying as ocean waves,
          in and out,
                    up and down,
          over and back,
                    around and around.

Uncanny rhythms seep into my brain not fully conscious of
                     movement, but not unaware.
    The tide rolls out once and in twice
And then, full twisting somersaults arise from my stomach
                                                making me want no more…

Jeremiah 17:9

March 13

Jeremiah 17

There is no wisdom or beauty in me

without Thee.

There is no kindness,

no goodness, no faithfulness,

no gentleness;

 

Inside me, beside me,

around me, or through me

unless You are there.

 

Watching a miracle

January 10

Happy birthday to me
Paper whites are pushing out,
from russet bulbs a top round stones.

Lengthy shoots which grow each day
an inch or more as if to say,

Look at me! I will be tall
my stems are growing after all!

My blooms will be as white as snow,
and prettier than a Christmas bow!

The beauty of these gorgeous flowers,
will be cherished by us for hours and hours.

It’s been our pleasure to have a role
in helping these wonderful flowers grow.

We know that we are assistants of
God’s creation and unfailing love .

Happy Birthday to me

November 14

Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me.

      I am not sixty-three.

For that I am grateful

      Happy birthday to me.

 

To those who love me

      Happy birthday again.

What you’ve helped me attain

      I pray it didn’t drive you insane.

 

Happy birthday at last.

      This year went so fast.

Grow me up my dear Lord

      and make me steadfast.

A Growing Flower

August 2

A flower growing

A flower can’t
      grow
   without
        its sun,
    you know!

 

From beginning to end
   the flower
        needs
          the
          sun
    to grow,
   to blossom,
to be a flower above all flowers!

 

And when the
        time
for the flower
   is gone
the sun helps
  bring up
        another one.

A Soul

August 2

A Soul

      turning the leaf over
                to see
                      the
                        other
                            side,
                        seeing the whole
                leaf–
            is there nothing left to
                hide?

 

           would feeling and touching
                  the surface
                        and then–
            memorizing. . . . . . . .
                      know the
                                soul
                  within?

Keeping a corn snake

April 10

Keeping a corn snake
We are keeping a corn snake in our room
as a pet, he doesn’t have much va-va-voom!

He is a fascinating creature nevertheless
though we were surprised that even he makes a mess.

He drinks lots of water, we’ve only seen that once
and he eats a mouse a week but he never goes and hunts.

His food is carried in by hand very solemnly
and placed gently in his habitat quite ceremoniously.

He wastes no time in eating his lunch
it takes less than ten minutes and there is never a crunch!

The mouse is swallowed from head to tail
his deliberate, silent, motion does not fail.

We’ve watched him eat! He’s not the least bit shy
he ate his mouse and then drank his water dish dry.

Last weekend, he began the process of shedding his skin.
This morning, I saw it lying on the opposite side of him.

Yes, it is fascinating to have a snake like Jim
except when I have to clean up after him!

 

My love

June 25

My love

Deep within the quietest part of my soul

            remains a memory of

                    a love beginning

                                  of

                   a love growing

                                  of

                   a love everlasting……………

                                  of

                                  you.