A life filled with

so many regrets

tied to a plethora of sins…

and more regrets…

When I make a mistake,

like any common criminal,

I do my best to cover it up.

A vicious circle

all of my own making.

All of my own making?

Feeling like someone split into pieces –

this drive to please everyone doesn’t….

please everyone.

I’m rarely pleased, because I know the truth.

I know I am not perfect.

I know I have committed a plethora of sins.

I know I am unworthy and undeserving.

SO WHAT?

So, I make a list of sins…I want to…

write them all down….

my mind races through years of sins in a split second

AND then…

I GET IT.

These thoughts,  this depression, isn’t…

All of my own making.

These thoughts aren’t the thoughts that come from the way,

the truth and the light.

Of course, there is truth in them, but it is bent, twisted,

and meant to cause pain.

I reach for the truth. I search through the pages until I find it.

I find what I am looking for. Psalm 102: 8-12

     “The Lord is compassionate and gracious,

slow to anger, abounding in love.

    9 He will not always accuse,

nor will he harbor his anger forever;

  10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve

or repay us according to our iniquities.

   11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

so great is his love for those who fear him;

   12 as far as the east is from the west,

so far has he removed our transgressions from us.”

There are no truer words than the words of God or His promises to me.

This depression is not of my own making.

But staying in it is of my own making.

I choose the circle of life.

I turn from the vicious circle

and choose the circle of life.